Hopeful
Note: I’ll be speaking about feelings related to political events here. If that’s not interesting to you, that’s okay. Just wanted to let you know ahead of time in case you want to skip this post.
After the 2016 election, I wrote this post. I was 28, defeated and scared; so much has happened since then. Sadly, the next four years proved my fears in a lot of ways. I had my first daughter in 2020, right at the end of theTrump administration and during the Covid pandemic. While I experienced unspeakable joy during that time with the birth of my daughter, I also felt such anxiety and fear for the future.
I would say those fears were still seeping in for the following four years, too, but in a different way. We got Biden and Harris, I had my second daughter, and things felt slightly less scary but I found myself numb to it all.
For so long I have felt a mixture of anger, fear, and hopelessness. Sometimes, I’ve even had the complete absence of emotion. So many things, so little leadership.
Then Biden dropped from the race. And endorsed Harris. And I felt hopeful for the first time in eight years.
With this, I’ve also felt apprehension. I am truly afraid to feel hopeful. I’m afraid to believe.
As I reread my post from 2016, a particular section struck me:
One day, when I have children, I want to be able to tell them I did what I thought was right, even if people disagreed with me. I want to be able to tell them that I was brave enough to speak out. And even more than that, I want to be able to look myself in the mirror every day and know that I did everything I could to make this a better world.
I was preparing for my daughters then—before they even existed—and considering what I would tell them. I was dreaming of them being proud of me, before I ever knew them.
Let me be clear about one thing: As The Avett Brothers said, “Your life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected.” I believe that. I believe that the person elected to lead us is just a human being; they are a person who will make mistakes and can’t provide a perfect world for anyone, no matter how much money or resources they have. My life will still be my life no matter who is in office.
But.
I still want a leader who will not make my life harder as a woman, a mother, a teacher. I still want a leader who will celebrate diversity, love their neighbors, and lend a hand to those of us who need the most support. I want someone who will allow each person to be who they are, authentically, without fear. I want someone who will encourage tolerance and love and acceptance. I want someone who believes that we deserve freedom for all, not just some and not just sometimes. I want someone who will work to make this country a place for my daughters to feel inspired and capable.
And for the first time in a very long time, I feel like we have a chance at having someone like that to lead us.